Eager Beaver First Time Voter

I finally had time to fill out my vote-by-mail ballot today. I sat on my usual couch spot at the local Starbucks and proudly exercised my right to vote for the very first time. I needed that cafe atmosphere to concentrate (a la college days). The apartment is just way too cluttered and therefore deemed unconducive for serious brain activity. Anyway, it felt absolutely satisfying to shade in that circle for Obama. I'll be mailing my ballot on Monday.

Since this is my first time voting, I so badly wanted to be more involved in the elections. Voting by mail does not exactly place me in the thick of things. I was planning to be a pollworker or a volunteer in my precinct. I wanted to at least be able to vote in person and experience the entire process firsthand. But turns out I have work on the 4th. I assumed that it was going to be a holiday so I didn't ask for a day off. Too late now 'cause the office schedules for the next two weeks have already been put up. Oh wells.

While I was meticulously filling in those little oblongs, I realized that I was a pretty uneducated voter. Tsk, shame. We had to vote either a yes or no on all these propositions which I really had no clue on. What I did was merely read the descriptions and based my decision on pure raw instinct. Haha nice. In my defense, I did spend time on Proposition 8. Choosing "Yes" would mean a ban on gay marriage and supposedly eliminates the basic rights of people. I'm entirely against any form of discrimination. A "No", on the other hand, effectively preserves the sacred nature of marriage which is procreation. This is one of the very few traditions I cannot easily surrender. As you can see, I am completely torn. I couldn't stop debating with myself about this issue ever since I saw the infomercials produced by both sides. I am the child of a staunchly Catholic upbringing, but then again I have somehow developed an independent liberal mindset which mostly subscribes to universal principles of fairness and equality.

I voted "Yes", not because I agree with the messages in their infomercials. I do not believe that teaching second graders that boys can marry boys is a bad thing at all. They are making it look like kids will be encouraged to get involved in homosexual relationships. That is not what 'educating' means. The message was clearly manipulated and twisted and obviously propagandistic. I voted "Yes", because there already exists laws which grant domestic partners all the rights that a state can grant to a married couple. The domestic partner law is already in place and this has been protecting the rights of same-sex couples all over California. So that solves my dilemma. Prop 8 is not an attack on gay couples and does not take away their basic rights. I can sleep easy tonight knowing I made at least one educated choice.

Oh and why did I vote for Obama?
I was sold on that "Yes We Can" video. I'm cheap with positive-energy-art-with-heart stuff like that. ;-p

Mobius

My beginning is in my end... my end is in my beginning.

I was reading this week's issue of The Asian Journal and came across an article insipired by the idea of a mobius strip. The author applied the concept to the currently sporadic U.S. economic situation. I won't be talking about that. The simple philosophy presented by the mobius strip is what got me. I didn't even finish reading that article. But sources of inspiration should not be left unacknowledged. First things first. Basically, a mobius strip is a length of paper, twisted in a loop with the ends taped together. This is what it looks like*:



* Image from Wikipedia.

It is deemed to be a "fascinating geometric oddity" precisely because it is 3-dimensional yet possesses only a single surface. You can prove this by drawing a straight line along the middle of the strip, work your way down and eventually, you'll end up where you started. Try it and see for yourself. It seriously blew me away. These little things amaze me. It's like that day when I found out that boiled eggs spin faster than raw ones. And that's how you tell one from the other without cracking them open. Yeah, I'm a trivia dork. Anyway...

I was able to derive a certain sense of comfort from this. Moving thousands of miles away from everything familiar to pursue the vaguest of dreams is slowly taking its toll on me. Starting from scratch is absolutely exhausting as it is exciting. I've had two jobs in a span of four months and I don't think I'm sticking with the one I have now either. My current job has already stopped challenging me and it's only been two months. I promised myself never to settle. Another thing stressing me out is the fact that I still need to build my credit history which apparently affects every aspect of life here. Everyone checks your credit, from your potential employer to your internet provider. The deal you will get is basically dictated by your credit score, which sucks for me since I don't have one yet. Aside from these, I have to cope with inconsiderate attitudes on a regular basis. I am seriously tempted to bitch out many, many times. But no, I'm way too nice.

Despite everything, I have miraculously remained optimistic. I don't know who or how or why.. but somehow, I have developed this deep sense of trust in the universe. I just know that I will be able to make it. As long as I do what I have to and keep the faith, I will get there.

Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred to two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, and the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, you life will keep on unfolding. And it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is you truly want, because you want it.

- Jack Canfield (quoted from Rhonda Byrne's The Secret)

That is how I perceive the mobius strip. I may be traveling a twisted loop but I know that I won't fall off. It's a matter of finding your center. There is no such thing as being trapped in an ugly situation. Just keep on moving forward. "Just keep swimming..." (Dora!) The beauty of the continuity this represents has injected much needed confidence in my future and life in general. With so much negativity pushing against every individual psyche, we need to grab hold of every source of sunshine we can get. This has proved to be one of life's basic requirements, if one wishes to stay sane.

Other people would say that this is probably the worst time to be in the United States given the crisis, but I beg to differ. I'd say I'm lucky. If you start at the bottom, there's no other way to go but up. I'm excited to see what else this life has in store for me. I can't wait to vote for the next president, to successfully petition for my parents' citizenship, to buy that car next month, to earn my masters by the age of 26, to go backpacking in Europe, to earn my first million bucks... this checklist goes on forever...

Watch me tick off my boxes. :)

A Wicked 22nd

Birthday wish granted:

I got to watch the Wicked musical at the Pantages Theatre
in Hollywood! :)



The theater was soooo beautiful.

Basking in its grandeur was such a treat in itself!

And then...

I even got to meet the main cast!

(I had to wait at the backstage exit until about midnight.. but hell, I don't care. Haha!)

That's Boq (the Tin Man),
Galinda (Glinda the Good),
Fiyero and...
Elphaba. :)

The cast was INCREDIBLE.

Erin Mackey played the role of Glinda and Teal Wicks starred as Elphaba.

I got them to sign my cd, too!

I am currently on a Wicked high. The cd has been continuously playing in the background as I eat, read, bathe, exercise, breathe..

"It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you can't pull me down.."

:)

*if you're my in my Multiply network, you'll get to see the rest of the pics here.

Kenosis

What do you do the moment your dreams come true?

In the movies, the film always ends in the "happily ever after" part. It's usually a wedding scene or a picture of a couple kissing or hugging or laughing. Whatever it is, the audience is always left with a picture of perfect peace, of success, of complete victory.

That, my friends, is one clear reason why we love watching films. It somewhat buffers reality. We are made to believe, for two hours, that every problem has a solution. For two hours, we get our money's worth of personal heroes. We pick one single character we can best relate with, wear his or her shoes for about a hundred and twenty minutes, fly up in the air, beat up our enemies with brute strength or a sharp witty tongue, triumph, then we exit stage left with a feeling of inexplicable euphoria.

I'm a sucker for movies. Well, I'm a sucker for artists. Depending on his or her technique and expertise, the masterpiece can take you to a whole new level of existence. You are somehow left with a better (or at least a different) understanding of the world and of yourself. Like, when an actress delivers a manic rant monologue (Julie Delpy's characters are my favorite. :) ), exposing her weaknesses and her true self to the audience, I see that as beautiful and brave. It kind of puts the words in my mouth for all those frustrating moments when I desperately needed to (or need to, for future reference) explain myself to another person, but could not hit "bulls-eye".

Simple words like, "Mr. Big" of Sex and the City or "Jell-o" from My Best Friend's Wedding, suddenly pours forth a heap of meaning. When I tell one of my best girl friends who's also an avid fan of SATC, "I think he's my Mr. Big", she'll get what I mean in a snap. No need for excessive explanations. That's the beauty of it.

On the other hand, films also have the dangerous ability to instill solid illusion into naive hopefuls. I bet we all have had those hardcore 'Disney' phases. Bottomline: Thinking caps should be made a basic requirement for all movie goers.

So... just what does happen when all of your dreams come true?

"Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true." - Wicked
(I'm watching this musical at the Pantages on my birthday! Yay! *excited*)

Well, true.. but not entirely. So, we pump our fists into the air, sing our hearts out, spread the love.. and then what? I say, this is my dream. Wow. I defy gravity, my feet depart the ground. I am airborne for two seconds. Then, what?

I realized that living the dream actually requires just that. Living it. Wow, was I deceived. Movies never show that side of it, do they? Struggle. I must say, I have discovered a certain love for this word. Struggle. My entire life is enveloped by it. Instead of fighting it, complaining and whining about it. I decided to embrace it. Then, it shows its beauty. Without struggle, there can be no meaning. Enjoy it, Sab. There's no other way around it.

So I guess the more appropriate way of saying it would be, "... and they struggled to live happily ever after." :)

** I'm so excited for the newest seasons of One Tree Hill, Heroes and Gossip Girl. Malapit naaaa!!! :)

Inspire Me

Currently chewing on this.

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one."

- from The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)

After what felt like years of searching, and not finding, then forgetting, then remembering, and searching again, I was finally able to obtain (borrow) a copy this book from the public library. It's one of those things you promise yourself that you'll do, but then life happens, so you don't get to act on it as quickly as you planned, but along the way, sweet fate happens and you end up doing what you want. Forgive my running sentences. I'm thinking-typing (or maybe that book really makes your head spin, like they say).

What is your 'because'? There are so many worthy causes in this life that not having one seems irrational. But that's the hardest step, you see. Choosing. Then, committing. A two-in-one tagteam that will determine the rest of your life.

I am currently in the process of weighing my options. You know.. it's funny how life suddenly decides to bombard you with an array of choices when you're just looking for one.

... I think I'm becoming a hard core feminist.

***

Newsflash: Istarted my new job this week... and I have to wear scrubs *gasp!* to work. Haha! :)

Thanks, but no thanks

"Are you FILIPINO?" Bingo!

Remember I said that the first person to ask me that would get a prize? Well, here's our winner. Funny, but I wanted nothing more than to punch this guy square in the face. Imagine scenario. On my way home from work, rush hour, packed bus. I was standing near the driver in front of the bus. He was standing beside the front door. Pretty close, right? But for some reason, he felt the need to broadcast our dialogue for the entire bus to hear. He was near shouting while talking to me. Dude, I'm just here. We can do this quietly.

If it was just another normal, friendly conversation, I wouldn't have minded. But, listen to this.

"Are you Filipino?"

Cool! Finally somebody got it right the first time. Smiles, "Yeah! I'm Filipina."

Gives me this head-to-toe lookover. "I figured. Man! I should visit that place some time. You look precious!" Precious??! Really. Come. on.

Some of the passengers actually had to glance over to give me a good look.

Ugh, seriously now. I just smiled then started paying intense concentration to the back of the driver's head.

"So are you a student here?!!"

"No, I'm actually looking for work. I just graduated from college."
Still burning a hole on the back of driver's head.

"Where did you go to college?!!"

"In the Philippines."

"Oh you should've just studied here!! You get a bigger chance at work that way!!"

"Uhh.. yeah, I guess."

"But that's okay. You got the look!! That's like a foot in the door already!! If I was the one interviewing you, I'd be like, 'Sold!!' the moment you step into my office!!"

How about my foot in your mouth?!!

That's it. I'm getting off this bus at the next stop. I would rather walk the rest of the way home than simmer on this hot seat for another five blocks. Sheesh!!

Stretch and Snap

1 month, 1 week and 6 days. 43 days to be exact. I finally quit.

Tomorrow, I will officially bid farewell to my first job. Good times, but it's time to move on. I felt so bad for quitting, I couldn't even look at my leader during our one-on-one. I pulled her aside after our bells session, pulled out my 'script' and read it to her. Haha. It's funny now, but I felt incredibly stupid while doing it. I had to freaking write what I needed to say. The plan was to sort out my thoughts, scribble them down, and then, go talk to her. But, I blanked out 'cause I was so nervous and anxious, so I whipped it out of my pocket in panic the last minute. I was like, "Hey, I need to talk to you in private." "Okay, what's up?" "Uhh.. uhh.. wait." *grabs notebook and recites* Damn nerves. To top it all off, my voice was cracking while I was reading. Darnnnittt. What the hell was that?!

Anyway, she was really surprised after my little monologue. I get that. I never once complained nor showed any sign of dislike for this job. (Even though it's such a struggle for me to wake up every single day for this.) She said that she understands that today was definitely a difficult day and that I shouldn't just let one bad day pull me down. One day?! Make that 43 days!!! I finally had to confess to her that this was not what I had in mind when I signed up for the job. I gave it my all for 43 days. It's just not working for me. I never really had time for anything else. I work close to 12 hours every single day. I wake up early and go home exhausted. I am officially stressed and burnt out. Man, I feel like I've aged ten years in the past month.

It felt damn good after I let all that out. Wooooo!!

Makes me think a lot about my character though. Am I such a quitter? Should I have given it more time? Maybe I was still adjusting to everything. Hmmm... but I did give it 43 days. Besides, I was never a fan of delayed gratification. I simply didn't want to waste my precious time stuck in an unpleasant situation when I can freely move on and find better opportunities. Logical, right? So what I'm gonna do is pat myself on the back for a job well done, say I fought a good fight, kick off my heels and spend some of my hard-earned money on a fabulous weekend of much sought freedom.

On Cupcakes, Bandwagons and 911

I wasn't expected at work 'til after lunch today so I decided to spend my morning in Beverly Drive. It's not a shopping trip, mind you. My paycheck won't allow any of that just yet. Besides, Ate and I are aiming to buy a car by November. So a huge chunk of our income goes straight to our car fund account. We're willingly starving for this. What can I say, we're very goal-oriented people. Haha. Of course, I'm exaggerating.

Anyhoo, I digress. Back to Beverly Drive. The main reason I wanted to go there was to sample a Sprinkles cupcake. I've been wanting to try it since I got here but I never really got the chance. Okay, so we got to the store and saw this looooong line outside. Oh my. It was probably close to a hundred degrees out (in fahrenheit) and all these people are waiting under the sun. This should be worth it. Snaps for quick service, I got in after just a few minutes of waiting.

As usual, it took a while before I was able to pick out which one I wanted to try first. I seriously hate having a lot of choices like this. I get so indecisive and I panic. But finally, I decided on a Chai Latte cupcake. I paid $3.25. (Wow, did I just really pay Php150 for one tiny cupcake??!) But hey, it's really good! Better than Sonja's, in my opinion. Their logos are exactly the same, by the way. Girly pink and mint green scripted font, brown background. Exacto. I wonder who copied who. Haha.

Speaking of hypes and bandwagons, the scramble for the new iphone here is crazy! Apple's newest baby had come out last week but the lines outside the stores persist to be at least a couple of blocks long. I was never an iPhone/iPod fan. Not that I don't like the product or anything. I guess I just never really felt the need for one. It's amazing what others are willing to pay and go through for a gadget that'll probably be considered old school in a couple of months.

Another thing causing long lines around LA these days is the upcoming movie premiere of The Dark Knight. Now that's a hype I'd love to be a part of. Heath Ledger!! I can't wait to watch you (for the last time..).

..*.*.*..

I witnessed an accident today. It was really scary. One minute I was enjoying a quiet brunch of apple juice and a ham-cheese-egg muffin, the next a loud screech followed by a crashing sound rips through the air causing everyone in the cafe to jump in their seats. Everyone ran to the scene of the accident. Apparently, this car went out of control, hit a parking meter, hit a pedestrian walking on the sidewalk, hit another parking meter on the opposite side of the street, and caused two other cars to crash into each other. The most frightening picture here is the bleeding pedestrian lying on the crosswalk. Everyone started calling 911. It was pretty impressive how fast they all acted on it. In less than ten minutes, there were at least three firetrucks on the scene to secure the site. The police and the paramedics followed right after. The girl was off to the hospital in no time. I hope she's fine now.


** Totally random and unrelated but guess what. I got casted as part of the floor audience in this new CBS gameshow. I forgot what it's called, but I'll get paid for just sitting there and clapping occasionally so, yeah! Haha! This should be fun. :)

Hooooy, Pinoy Ako!!

"Excuse me, I just had to ask.. What are you?"

Uhh... That was the weirdest phrasing of all. I usually get the normal ones like "Where are you from?", "Are you (insert every other Asian ethnicity aside from Filipino here)?" at least three times a day. But this one was the best. He was so genuinely curious and confused. His face was all scrunched up as he investigates my facial features.

"I'm Filipino. Why?"

"Oh.. I just really had to ask. I couldn't figure it out on my own."

Haha funny. I've been asked if I was Chinese, Korean, Cambodian, Malaysian, but NEVER Filipino. There was even this one time while on the bus, I recognized this lady as a Pinay so I smiled at her and she said, "It's so hot outside." I thought, why the hell is she speaking to me in English? I replied, "Oo nga po e." She did the funniest double take and said, "Pinay ka pala!"

Also this one time, I was looking for a certain cafe around Koreatown. So I approached the security guard to ask him for directions. Before I left, he asked me if I was Chinese. I told him, "No, I'm from the Philippines. I'm Filipino." He nodded his head and said, "Yes, yes! I'm Korean too!" then started blabbering away in Korean. Huh??! Am I so un-Filipino looking that even after saying where I'm from, you can't even process it? Haha but he was really nice so I just laughed.

I swear, the first person to ask me, "Are you FILIPINO?" gets a prize.

Poetry in Motion

It takes me about an hour and fifteen minutes to get to my workplace in the morning. I take two buses from Downtown to West. The trip back home takes another two hours. Traffic is terrible here in LA. Whoever said that "Walang ganyan [traffic] sa States!" is a big fat freaking liar. Anyway, it helps that the Metro Rapid Bus lines, the one in which I'm on for at least an hour, have television sets installed in them. I get my daily serving of current events and celebrity gossip from there cause I barely have time to watch tv at home. Another really cool feature the buses here have is the Poetry in Motion section on the walls. Here's a couple I copied off the 720.


If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.

- Vera Pavlova, If There is Something to Desire


Say to them.
Say to the down keepers. The sun slappers.
The self soilers. The harmony hushers.
Even if you are not ready for day,
it cannot always be night.
You will be right. For that is the hard home run.
Live not for battles won. Live not for the end of the song.
Live in the along.

- Gwendolyn Brooks, Speech to the Young


I think they feature a new author every other week or so. My commute time serves as my thinking time as well so these on-the-go literature tidbits are just perfect. Their messages usually hit home run too, for some weird eerie reason. This is the universe conspiring to help me out. o.O

Happy Monthsary LA!

Tonight, Carms and Ever, a.k.a. mommy and daddy, will pick me up from the apartment after work and bring me to The Grove's The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my one month here in LA. I cannot believe it's been a month already! Time sure flies when you're relentlessly, thoughtlessly diving your consciousness into every curious thing which crosses your path. And since I'm in a new city, in an entirely new phase of my life, everything falls under the category of curious. I jumped up and down when I first tasted Cold Stone and Pinkberry. I was skipping like a five-year old when I first visited The Grove and The Americana. I took a picture with my ginormous serving of soda and popcorn before watching my first movie. I still have my day pass from my first train ride and kept it like a trophy. I'm a big bouncing sappy sponge absorbing every single detail of every single encounter.

I love the little bursts of creativity around this city. African-Americans with their black and blue dreadlocks... amazingly choreographed random street shows by the local dance crews along 3rd Street and Promenade... pooches in designer labels trotting alongside their owners sporting a cute similar wardrobe.. walking art pieces in the form of heavily tatooed strangers.. poetry in motion..

I like that fact that people here are so comfortable in their own skin. The city is a melting pot of cultures. Each person proudly represents his own race, belief, political party, whathaveyou. Of course, collisions happen. The movie Crash comes to mind. People here wouldn't settle for less than what they deserve. I guess that attitude is one of the main reasons why this country is way ahead of everyone else.

Anyway, I immediately started working two weeks after my arrival. I'm starting to think I took on a job too fast. Or maybe it's just the nature of what I do. I dunno. I'm definitely learning a lot but it just seems to be too much work for a first job, you know what I mean? I'm not being lazy, jusy choosy. Or maybe I'm choosy cause I'm lazy. Hmm I prefer the first one. I imagined my first job to be more fun.. and less serious. Haha.. darnit. I'm an account representative for an outsourced marketing company. It sounded fun. I was definitely deceived. Well, I'm officially done with my training period as of yesterday. Let's just see where this goes..

**Haha. What a choppy random post.

A Narrative of Firsts

It was my first time to use our building's laundry facilities today. So, I gathered all my dirty clothes, crammed them into a cloth sack and trooped down to the basement. We live on the third floor in a building with no elevator so woohoo I still get my daily exercise despite my current bum status.

This wasn't really my most anticipated chore but I can't help feeling a wee bit giddy-excited. My very first laundry day!! I had to stop myself from bringing a camera to document the momentous event. My Ate warned me of the long line I would most probably have to endure before getting clean clothes. I pushed the heavy basement door open and saw that there was no one there. Wow, beginner's luck. I looked around and saw two washing machines and two dryers. There are around thirty families living in this building. Perfect. That would explain the tight competition.

I loaded my quarters into the machine, turned it on, added detergent, stuffed all my clothes in and let it rip. This whole ordeal took me half an hour to successfully accomplish. I had no idea what I was doing! I kept on jumbling the steps up. Trial and error can be downright frustrating but it's the best way to learn. A young Spanish girl came in a few minutes after I did. She doesn't speak English fluently so you can just imagine our struggle of a conversation. The dialogue consist mainly of hellos, hmm?s, ahhs, smiles and sign language. Our building has a ninety percent Spanish population. Striking casual conversations with my neighbors was an absolute challenge. I made a mental note to learn Spanish sometime soon.

Since the washing and drying process would take about an hour before it's done, I decided to go back up to our apartment to eat. When I went back down the basement after an hour, my clothes were done. I was pleased I didn't have to wait any longer so I was happily humming along on my way to the dryer. I gripped the dryer's cabinet handle and dramatically swung it open. What the-? A strong aroma like that of burnt hair filled the air. Oh noooes!! Was I really stupid enough to burn my own clothes?? I quickly pulled everything out to scan for damages. Is it just me or did my jeans shrink? Kala ko sa movies lang nangyayari yun. Anobaaaa... Everything looked okay. No burns or rips or anything like that. It's just that all my clothes look.. smaller. And smelled like fireworks.

I had an interview in less than an hour. It's the first job interview I scored here in LA. And I'll be coming in tight clothes which smelled like burnt hair. Great. Wish me luck.

Touchdown

Philippine Airlines Flight PR 102
June 9, 2008
7:41 p.m.

Mr. Pilot Man with whom I have entrusted the last 12 hours of my life with: "Mga binibini, ginang at ginoo, nakalapag na po tayo sa Los Angeles. Welcome to LA."

WoooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!!!!!!
I went crazy struggling to contain the urge to jump up my seat and scream this out loud.

My wild kiddo imagination instantaneously sent fireworks flying through the Fiesta cabin. Cue music. Staring at the blank page before you.. Open up the dirty window.. Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find............ Today is where your book begins.. The rest is still unwritten. :)

Basking in the Love

Come to think of it, staying here was not really an option for me. I kind of always knew that I was meant to do something 'bigger'.. and that entailed leaving my comfort zones and plunging into the vast unknown. Traveling the world and doing great things, that is my dream. And in two days, I will begin living this dream.

This has been my mindset since the moment I knew what I wanted to do with my life. It may not be the most detailed, most carefully thought-out plan, but I knew where I wanted to start and right now, that is all that matters.

So no, I did not write a 'pros-vs-cons' list. I did not create a cost-benefit analysis, like my course has trained me to do (shame on me). I did't even look into the numerous opportunities this country has laid out in front of me, given my educational credentials. No thinking twice, no back-up plans.. I was determined to make this work.

But last night.. tsk tsk.. last night definitely threw me off. I have so many great reasons not to leave... and they were all there on the Godiva rooftop last night. :)

So my amazing friends threw me a 'surprise' despedida last night. I knew that they were going to set up a send-off party for me. I actually requested it. So it all came down to when and how they were going to do it. Man, was I surprised! It was beyond perfect. I feel so loved. :) The rooftop venue was perfect, I felt like I was floating. Thank you thank you thank you. I loved it. :) I love it so much I'm using one too many smileys right now, and it's not even my normal smiley ( :] ). It's a special post. :) :) :)

(Almost) everyone was there! My Baboi bffs - Bianca was there! Kei and Jordan weren't there though. Sayang. But it was also Kei's birthday so I guess she's entitled to her own celebration. I hope I get to see my whole barkada before I leave. My 4D family were there, of course. I had my different groups of friends all in one place and I wanted so bad to spend time with each of them so I was table hopping all night. My 4D loves stayed with me til the end after everyone left. So yes, I always come home to 4D. They even serenaded me. Grabe, you guys are the best. I may not be "howling" (in Ione's words) after the song, but my heart was ready to explode with so much sadness/happiness/pure love for all of you guys. My beloved Ateneo A1 blockmates, most of them fresh and jetlagged from their U.S. trip, and Ada, AA and Thea were there also. A1 will always be my block. I love you, crazy people! Hep hep horray!! We'll always have Bora. My ASLA dearies, Vany, JQ and Jun, were also present. Thank you for the photograph post-cards. I love them! Jun was also actually the sole representative of my MEco friends. Where was everyone else? Tsk tsk. Tampo. Haha.. just kidding. My Jusmag barkada followed. It was great seeing you guys! We haven't had a get-together for the longest time. To think that we all live 5 minutes away from each other. I'll see you guys on Sunday. :)

Wow. Salamat sobra. Words cannot express how grateful I am to each one of you. I love you all! To think that I was so worried cause I didn't know how I was gonna stretch my remaining days to spend time with each of you. Then, voila! You were all there. Shuuuuucks. I'm all mush and cheese right now. You made me cry! I can't remember the last time I shed tears of overwhelmed happiness.

When I got home, I wasn't the least bit sleepy yet so I decided to read 4D's letters which were compiled in this notebook Aids got for me. Each message gave me such an incredible boost. Everyone was so excited for me, wishing me luck in my upcoming new life. I felt like I was ready to conquer the world. The deepest, warmest sense of gratitude had completely enveloped me by the time I finished reading the last letter. The next thing came so naturally. I closed the notebook, held it in between my palms and prayed. I said thank you a hundred times over.

Truthfully, I initially didn't want a despedida. I thought I couldn't handle the sadness. Plus, the underlying purpose of a despedida is to say goodbye. I definitely did not want or intend to say goodbye to anyone. I have already established with myself that I will not abandon anyone or anything. This will always be my home.

But know what? It was worth it. The sadness I experienced during the despedida was laced with so much love and affirmation. I will definitely be leaving with a smile on my face.

Luck is When Preparation Meets Opportunity

I love that line. It's from one of my favorite movies, Little Black Book. Girl doesn't end up with the guy (in this case, both guys) but somehow still gets the happy ending she deserves. It's not your typical love story, precisely why it's up there on my list along with crazy twisted Wicker Park.

Since my life's basically on hold right now, I can't do anything else but wait. Unlike most people, I actually enjoy waiting - provided that I'm actually waiting for something and not wasting my time on unworthy ambiguities. So while the rest of my batchmates are scurrying around Makati after graduation, scattering their resumes like confetti and collecting pre-employment exams and interviews like trophies, I'm sitting pretty with my laptop on my work desk perusing the pages of the world wide web. Yes, I'm researching. Couldn't shake the student out of me just yet.

So far, I've already combed through every relevant job listing ad I can get my cyber hands on. This is so I'd have a general idea on what kinds of positions I can apply for when I get to LA. Based on the info I've gathered, my gameplan is to score an internship job with one of Fortune 500 companies based in California (fingers crossed) and then, get a part-time job on the side. I have already come up with a list of my target companies, their addresses, websites, industry information, job openings and even the distance of their offices from our LA home. I'm OC like that.

But before anything else, I need to establish my California resident status by applying for a state ID and a driver's license. This has to be done within 10 days from my arrival date. So, that's the first thing I need to do. I even downloaded a copy of the California Driver Handbook to study for the written test. Haha! I'm such a geek. I'm pretty smug about the driving test though. I personally believe that if you're able to drive in the Philippines, you can drive anywhere. The daily battles with our friendly bus and jeepney drivers have taught me well.

I've located nearby commercial establishments, tourist spots, churches and schools via Google Earth, official LA City websites, LA bloggers and travel sites. I've studied the local transportation system which includes bus and train routes. My sister doesn't own a car and I don't have money to buy one just yet so I'd have to commute. It'll be a while before I'll be able cruise down Sunset Boulevard in a kick-ass convertible. Give me a few months to work on that. ;]

After going through all of that, I must say that I'm still not quite done, yet alone satisfied, with my LA info hunt. Still on my wish list is finding a personal blog written by a Pinay who moved to LA in her early 20s. I want to know how it is from a primary source. The closest I got to this was coincidentally reconnecting with a good friend from way back who migrated to LA three years ago. Yay, serendipity! She found me through Multiply. I had no idea she lives in LA now, and she didn't know I was migrating. I just saw her location status and voila! My saving grace. I felt like dancing on the spot in front of my laptop. I feel so relieved. I have a friend!!! Yeh hoe!

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Time to shed that infamous Pinoy mantra, "Bahala na si Batman". I'm taking a hold on my life.

** Sidenote: Since One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl just ended and the new seasons won't be out til September, I decided to finally give in and watch The Hills. Ditzy much? Haha... Hey, it still qualifies as research! ;]

Spring Cleaning

Yes, I know it's barely summer (I'm thinking in terms of the western weather now) and spring is still far off. I just think the term's perfect for what I'm about to write.

Anyhoo, I've been spending the past few days clearing my life of junk, excess baggage, what-have-yous. First on the list is to figure out which of the things currently occupying my closet space actually belong to me. So, heads up to the people I owe. You might just be looking into a sweet reconciliation with your long lost possessions sometime in the near future. This list includes a couple of shirts, shorts, ribbon pois, a paperbag full of dvds, framed photos, borrowed copies of the last two Harry Potter books and The Time Traveler's Wife. Horraaay for your owners who probably already have forgotten about you. Sorry!! I'll throw in a beer for every item returned.

After organizing these borrowed items in a neat pile, I now move on to the things I actually own. I plan on bringing as little baggage as possible with me to LA. In line with my life's current theme of starting FRESH, I am sticking with my trademark one-luggage travel style. Yes, it is possible. I will make it happen. What's life without these small challenges, right? All I have to do is squeeze 20 years of my life into one check-in suitcase and one carry-on bag. Yeah.

So there, I'm currently in the process of shedding off life's non-necessities. 80% of my worldly possessions will be up for grabs at a garage sale next week. Leftovers from the sale will be donated to the less fortunate. Win-win.

I feel good about this. I'll soon be rid of clutter. It makes me realize that I don't really need a lot of things to make me happy. I can actually live inside my suitcase! I'm ready to redirect my energies to more productive, more important things in life. What things? Honestly, I don't know yet. We'll figure this out as we move along.

14 more days til I fly!

Transition Periods

Life's full of it. Transition periods. Though most of the time we are not aware of it. They last for two seconds, two years, two decades. No clear-cut durations. No specific timing. No specific topics. One olympic-size pool of dissolved encounters, memories, events. We'll never be rid of it. There's no such thing as a clean slate. That much I learned. You are an irreversible product of your choices. I just wish we're all smart enough to arrange for ample personal buffer periods.

I'm learning how to do this for a while now. To just stop. To cocoon. Instead of the good old habit of just throwing myself, head first, leaping without thinking, into my next adventure. Lundagin mo beybe! is not meant to be taken so lightly.. or literally.

I guess that's why the past year felt like one great transition period. All those times when I was supposed to stop-and-think-but-didn't decided to finally pool themselves together and throw a big party. I like it. I'm not used to it, but I like it. I guess that's one of the primary reasons why I decided to start an actual blog. I need this outlet if I intend to stay rooted.. focused.. sane. I tend to float when I'm thinking.

I'm leaving for LA in 18 days. For good. I can't describe the feeling in just one word so i'll use this: anxious-excited. Wish me luck in Wonderland.