Basking in the Love

Come to think of it, staying here was not really an option for me. I kind of always knew that I was meant to do something 'bigger'.. and that entailed leaving my comfort zones and plunging into the vast unknown. Traveling the world and doing great things, that is my dream. And in two days, I will begin living this dream.

This has been my mindset since the moment I knew what I wanted to do with my life. It may not be the most detailed, most carefully thought-out plan, but I knew where I wanted to start and right now, that is all that matters.

So no, I did not write a 'pros-vs-cons' list. I did not create a cost-benefit analysis, like my course has trained me to do (shame on me). I did't even look into the numerous opportunities this country has laid out in front of me, given my educational credentials. No thinking twice, no back-up plans.. I was determined to make this work.

But last night.. tsk tsk.. last night definitely threw me off. I have so many great reasons not to leave... and they were all there on the Godiva rooftop last night. :)

So my amazing friends threw me a 'surprise' despedida last night. I knew that they were going to set up a send-off party for me. I actually requested it. So it all came down to when and how they were going to do it. Man, was I surprised! It was beyond perfect. I feel so loved. :) The rooftop venue was perfect, I felt like I was floating. Thank you thank you thank you. I loved it. :) I love it so much I'm using one too many smileys right now, and it's not even my normal smiley ( :] ). It's a special post. :) :) :)

(Almost) everyone was there! My Baboi bffs - Bianca was there! Kei and Jordan weren't there though. Sayang. But it was also Kei's birthday so I guess she's entitled to her own celebration. I hope I get to see my whole barkada before I leave. My 4D family were there, of course. I had my different groups of friends all in one place and I wanted so bad to spend time with each of them so I was table hopping all night. My 4D loves stayed with me til the end after everyone left. So yes, I always come home to 4D. They even serenaded me. Grabe, you guys are the best. I may not be "howling" (in Ione's words) after the song, but my heart was ready to explode with so much sadness/happiness/pure love for all of you guys. My beloved Ateneo A1 blockmates, most of them fresh and jetlagged from their U.S. trip, and Ada, AA and Thea were there also. A1 will always be my block. I love you, crazy people! Hep hep horray!! We'll always have Bora. My ASLA dearies, Vany, JQ and Jun, were also present. Thank you for the photograph post-cards. I love them! Jun was also actually the sole representative of my MEco friends. Where was everyone else? Tsk tsk. Tampo. Haha.. just kidding. My Jusmag barkada followed. It was great seeing you guys! We haven't had a get-together for the longest time. To think that we all live 5 minutes away from each other. I'll see you guys on Sunday. :)

Wow. Salamat sobra. Words cannot express how grateful I am to each one of you. I love you all! To think that I was so worried cause I didn't know how I was gonna stretch my remaining days to spend time with each of you. Then, voila! You were all there. Shuuuuucks. I'm all mush and cheese right now. You made me cry! I can't remember the last time I shed tears of overwhelmed happiness.

When I got home, I wasn't the least bit sleepy yet so I decided to read 4D's letters which were compiled in this notebook Aids got for me. Each message gave me such an incredible boost. Everyone was so excited for me, wishing me luck in my upcoming new life. I felt like I was ready to conquer the world. The deepest, warmest sense of gratitude had completely enveloped me by the time I finished reading the last letter. The next thing came so naturally. I closed the notebook, held it in between my palms and prayed. I said thank you a hundred times over.

Truthfully, I initially didn't want a despedida. I thought I couldn't handle the sadness. Plus, the underlying purpose of a despedida is to say goodbye. I definitely did not want or intend to say goodbye to anyone. I have already established with myself that I will not abandon anyone or anything. This will always be my home.

But know what? It was worth it. The sadness I experienced during the despedida was laced with so much love and affirmation. I will definitely be leaving with a smile on my face.