Eager Beaver First Time Voter

I finally had time to fill out my vote-by-mail ballot today. I sat on my usual couch spot at the local Starbucks and proudly exercised my right to vote for the very first time. I needed that cafe atmosphere to concentrate (a la college days). The apartment is just way too cluttered and therefore deemed unconducive for serious brain activity. Anyway, it felt absolutely satisfying to shade in that circle for Obama. I'll be mailing my ballot on Monday.

Since this is my first time voting, I so badly wanted to be more involved in the elections. Voting by mail does not exactly place me in the thick of things. I was planning to be a pollworker or a volunteer in my precinct. I wanted to at least be able to vote in person and experience the entire process firsthand. But turns out I have work on the 4th. I assumed that it was going to be a holiday so I didn't ask for a day off. Too late now 'cause the office schedules for the next two weeks have already been put up. Oh wells.

While I was meticulously filling in those little oblongs, I realized that I was a pretty uneducated voter. Tsk, shame. We had to vote either a yes or no on all these propositions which I really had no clue on. What I did was merely read the descriptions and based my decision on pure raw instinct. Haha nice. In my defense, I did spend time on Proposition 8. Choosing "Yes" would mean a ban on gay marriage and supposedly eliminates the basic rights of people. I'm entirely against any form of discrimination. A "No", on the other hand, effectively preserves the sacred nature of marriage which is procreation. This is one of the very few traditions I cannot easily surrender. As you can see, I am completely torn. I couldn't stop debating with myself about this issue ever since I saw the infomercials produced by both sides. I am the child of a staunchly Catholic upbringing, but then again I have somehow developed an independent liberal mindset which mostly subscribes to universal principles of fairness and equality.

I voted "Yes", not because I agree with the messages in their infomercials. I do not believe that teaching second graders that boys can marry boys is a bad thing at all. They are making it look like kids will be encouraged to get involved in homosexual relationships. That is not what 'educating' means. The message was clearly manipulated and twisted and obviously propagandistic. I voted "Yes", because there already exists laws which grant domestic partners all the rights that a state can grant to a married couple. The domestic partner law is already in place and this has been protecting the rights of same-sex couples all over California. So that solves my dilemma. Prop 8 is not an attack on gay couples and does not take away their basic rights. I can sleep easy tonight knowing I made at least one educated choice.

Oh and why did I vote for Obama?
I was sold on that "Yes We Can" video. I'm cheap with positive-energy-art-with-heart stuff like that. ;-p

Mobius

My beginning is in my end... my end is in my beginning.

I was reading this week's issue of The Asian Journal and came across an article insipired by the idea of a mobius strip. The author applied the concept to the currently sporadic U.S. economic situation. I won't be talking about that. The simple philosophy presented by the mobius strip is what got me. I didn't even finish reading that article. But sources of inspiration should not be left unacknowledged. First things first. Basically, a mobius strip is a length of paper, twisted in a loop with the ends taped together. This is what it looks like*:



* Image from Wikipedia.

It is deemed to be a "fascinating geometric oddity" precisely because it is 3-dimensional yet possesses only a single surface. You can prove this by drawing a straight line along the middle of the strip, work your way down and eventually, you'll end up where you started. Try it and see for yourself. It seriously blew me away. These little things amaze me. It's like that day when I found out that boiled eggs spin faster than raw ones. And that's how you tell one from the other without cracking them open. Yeah, I'm a trivia dork. Anyway...

I was able to derive a certain sense of comfort from this. Moving thousands of miles away from everything familiar to pursue the vaguest of dreams is slowly taking its toll on me. Starting from scratch is absolutely exhausting as it is exciting. I've had two jobs in a span of four months and I don't think I'm sticking with the one I have now either. My current job has already stopped challenging me and it's only been two months. I promised myself never to settle. Another thing stressing me out is the fact that I still need to build my credit history which apparently affects every aspect of life here. Everyone checks your credit, from your potential employer to your internet provider. The deal you will get is basically dictated by your credit score, which sucks for me since I don't have one yet. Aside from these, I have to cope with inconsiderate attitudes on a regular basis. I am seriously tempted to bitch out many, many times. But no, I'm way too nice.

Despite everything, I have miraculously remained optimistic. I don't know who or how or why.. but somehow, I have developed this deep sense of trust in the universe. I just know that I will be able to make it. As long as I do what I have to and keep the faith, I will get there.

Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred to two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, and the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, you life will keep on unfolding. And it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is you truly want, because you want it.

- Jack Canfield (quoted from Rhonda Byrne's The Secret)

That is how I perceive the mobius strip. I may be traveling a twisted loop but I know that I won't fall off. It's a matter of finding your center. There is no such thing as being trapped in an ugly situation. Just keep on moving forward. "Just keep swimming..." (Dora!) The beauty of the continuity this represents has injected much needed confidence in my future and life in general. With so much negativity pushing against every individual psyche, we need to grab hold of every source of sunshine we can get. This has proved to be one of life's basic requirements, if one wishes to stay sane.

Other people would say that this is probably the worst time to be in the United States given the crisis, but I beg to differ. I'd say I'm lucky. If you start at the bottom, there's no other way to go but up. I'm excited to see what else this life has in store for me. I can't wait to vote for the next president, to successfully petition for my parents' citizenship, to buy that car next month, to earn my masters by the age of 26, to go backpacking in Europe, to earn my first million bucks... this checklist goes on forever...

Watch me tick off my boxes. :)

A Wicked 22nd

Birthday wish granted:

I got to watch the Wicked musical at the Pantages Theatre
in Hollywood! :)



The theater was soooo beautiful.

Basking in its grandeur was such a treat in itself!

And then...

I even got to meet the main cast!

(I had to wait at the backstage exit until about midnight.. but hell, I don't care. Haha!)

That's Boq (the Tin Man),
Galinda (Glinda the Good),
Fiyero and...
Elphaba. :)

The cast was INCREDIBLE.

Erin Mackey played the role of Glinda and Teal Wicks starred as Elphaba.

I got them to sign my cd, too!

I am currently on a Wicked high. The cd has been continuously playing in the background as I eat, read, bathe, exercise, breathe..

"It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you can't pull me down.."

:)

*if you're my in my Multiply network, you'll get to see the rest of the pics here.

Kenosis

What do you do the moment your dreams come true?

In the movies, the film always ends in the "happily ever after" part. It's usually a wedding scene or a picture of a couple kissing or hugging or laughing. Whatever it is, the audience is always left with a picture of perfect peace, of success, of complete victory.

That, my friends, is one clear reason why we love watching films. It somewhat buffers reality. We are made to believe, for two hours, that every problem has a solution. For two hours, we get our money's worth of personal heroes. We pick one single character we can best relate with, wear his or her shoes for about a hundred and twenty minutes, fly up in the air, beat up our enemies with brute strength or a sharp witty tongue, triumph, then we exit stage left with a feeling of inexplicable euphoria.

I'm a sucker for movies. Well, I'm a sucker for artists. Depending on his or her technique and expertise, the masterpiece can take you to a whole new level of existence. You are somehow left with a better (or at least a different) understanding of the world and of yourself. Like, when an actress delivers a manic rant monologue (Julie Delpy's characters are my favorite. :) ), exposing her weaknesses and her true self to the audience, I see that as beautiful and brave. It kind of puts the words in my mouth for all those frustrating moments when I desperately needed to (or need to, for future reference) explain myself to another person, but could not hit "bulls-eye".

Simple words like, "Mr. Big" of Sex and the City or "Jell-o" from My Best Friend's Wedding, suddenly pours forth a heap of meaning. When I tell one of my best girl friends who's also an avid fan of SATC, "I think he's my Mr. Big", she'll get what I mean in a snap. No need for excessive explanations. That's the beauty of it.

On the other hand, films also have the dangerous ability to instill solid illusion into naive hopefuls. I bet we all have had those hardcore 'Disney' phases. Bottomline: Thinking caps should be made a basic requirement for all movie goers.

So... just what does happen when all of your dreams come true?

"Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true." - Wicked
(I'm watching this musical at the Pantages on my birthday! Yay! *excited*)

Well, true.. but not entirely. So, we pump our fists into the air, sing our hearts out, spread the love.. and then what? I say, this is my dream. Wow. I defy gravity, my feet depart the ground. I am airborne for two seconds. Then, what?

I realized that living the dream actually requires just that. Living it. Wow, was I deceived. Movies never show that side of it, do they? Struggle. I must say, I have discovered a certain love for this word. Struggle. My entire life is enveloped by it. Instead of fighting it, complaining and whining about it. I decided to embrace it. Then, it shows its beauty. Without struggle, there can be no meaning. Enjoy it, Sab. There's no other way around it.

So I guess the more appropriate way of saying it would be, "... and they struggled to live happily ever after." :)

** I'm so excited for the newest seasons of One Tree Hill, Heroes and Gossip Girl. Malapit naaaa!!! :)

Inspire Me

Currently chewing on this.

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one."

- from The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)

After what felt like years of searching, and not finding, then forgetting, then remembering, and searching again, I was finally able to obtain (borrow) a copy this book from the public library. It's one of those things you promise yourself that you'll do, but then life happens, so you don't get to act on it as quickly as you planned, but along the way, sweet fate happens and you end up doing what you want. Forgive my running sentences. I'm thinking-typing (or maybe that book really makes your head spin, like they say).

What is your 'because'? There are so many worthy causes in this life that not having one seems irrational. But that's the hardest step, you see. Choosing. Then, committing. A two-in-one tagteam that will determine the rest of your life.

I am currently in the process of weighing my options. You know.. it's funny how life suddenly decides to bombard you with an array of choices when you're just looking for one.

... I think I'm becoming a hard core feminist.

***

Newsflash: Istarted my new job this week... and I have to wear scrubs *gasp!* to work. Haha! :)

Thanks, but no thanks

"Are you FILIPINO?" Bingo!

Remember I said that the first person to ask me that would get a prize? Well, here's our winner. Funny, but I wanted nothing more than to punch this guy square in the face. Imagine scenario. On my way home from work, rush hour, packed bus. I was standing near the driver in front of the bus. He was standing beside the front door. Pretty close, right? But for some reason, he felt the need to broadcast our dialogue for the entire bus to hear. He was near shouting while talking to me. Dude, I'm just here. We can do this quietly.

If it was just another normal, friendly conversation, I wouldn't have minded. But, listen to this.

"Are you Filipino?"

Cool! Finally somebody got it right the first time. Smiles, "Yeah! I'm Filipina."

Gives me this head-to-toe lookover. "I figured. Man! I should visit that place some time. You look precious!" Precious??! Really. Come. on.

Some of the passengers actually had to glance over to give me a good look.

Ugh, seriously now. I just smiled then started paying intense concentration to the back of the driver's head.

"So are you a student here?!!"

"No, I'm actually looking for work. I just graduated from college."
Still burning a hole on the back of driver's head.

"Where did you go to college?!!"

"In the Philippines."

"Oh you should've just studied here!! You get a bigger chance at work that way!!"

"Uhh.. yeah, I guess."

"But that's okay. You got the look!! That's like a foot in the door already!! If I was the one interviewing you, I'd be like, 'Sold!!' the moment you step into my office!!"

How about my foot in your mouth?!!

That's it. I'm getting off this bus at the next stop. I would rather walk the rest of the way home than simmer on this hot seat for another five blocks. Sheesh!!

Stretch and Snap

1 month, 1 week and 6 days. 43 days to be exact. I finally quit.

Tomorrow, I will officially bid farewell to my first job. Good times, but it's time to move on. I felt so bad for quitting, I couldn't even look at my leader during our one-on-one. I pulled her aside after our bells session, pulled out my 'script' and read it to her. Haha. It's funny now, but I felt incredibly stupid while doing it. I had to freaking write what I needed to say. The plan was to sort out my thoughts, scribble them down, and then, go talk to her. But, I blanked out 'cause I was so nervous and anxious, so I whipped it out of my pocket in panic the last minute. I was like, "Hey, I need to talk to you in private." "Okay, what's up?" "Uhh.. uhh.. wait." *grabs notebook and recites* Damn nerves. To top it all off, my voice was cracking while I was reading. Darnnnittt. What the hell was that?!

Anyway, she was really surprised after my little monologue. I get that. I never once complained nor showed any sign of dislike for this job. (Even though it's such a struggle for me to wake up every single day for this.) She said that she understands that today was definitely a difficult day and that I shouldn't just let one bad day pull me down. One day?! Make that 43 days!!! I finally had to confess to her that this was not what I had in mind when I signed up for the job. I gave it my all for 43 days. It's just not working for me. I never really had time for anything else. I work close to 12 hours every single day. I wake up early and go home exhausted. I am officially stressed and burnt out. Man, I feel like I've aged ten years in the past month.

It felt damn good after I let all that out. Wooooo!!

Makes me think a lot about my character though. Am I such a quitter? Should I have given it more time? Maybe I was still adjusting to everything. Hmmm... but I did give it 43 days. Besides, I was never a fan of delayed gratification. I simply didn't want to waste my precious time stuck in an unpleasant situation when I can freely move on and find better opportunities. Logical, right? So what I'm gonna do is pat myself on the back for a job well done, say I fought a good fight, kick off my heels and spend some of my hard-earned money on a fabulous weekend of much sought freedom.